As in any relationship between two human beings love is beautiful but complicated. Until I moved to Germany, I was convinced that love has a common language, no matter which language(s) you speak. I have however been facing u nusual misunderstandings and disappointments when flirting with German men, likely due to cultural differences. In terms of seduction, the rules are totally different here: the women flirt and men simper. My article is obviously very cliché, based only on my own experience. I hope the readers, my German friends and colleagues will not take this article too seriously and take no offence but have a good laugh whilst reading my “sociological analysis” about the difficulties of dating a German man and its consequences!
Playing the game of seduction with a German man: Mission impossible?
It seems to me that dating a German guy is a complicated and long process as is memorizing the word "Geschlechtsverkehr", which basically means "sex". Most German men appear to be timid and cold and won’t approach a female target unless they are in a group or tipsy. If he dares to invite you for a coffee, it will be booked well in advance because the German gentleman is busy. In the meantime, usually expect "no flirting and no spontaneous messages". When a German guy is interested, he does no-thing as the game itself seems almost a strange one to play.
My method of seduction is always to show interest by joking and playing ambiguously.
In Germany, subtily showing your interest leads straight into the Berlin wall and showing your excitement
is likely to make him disappear from the radar screens. If you manage to courageously seduce a commitment phobe, he
would probably prefer to die than admiting his feelings. Was ist das Problem? It seems that the word "beziehung"
(translation: relationship) should never be said out loud because it involves taking
high risks and adrenaline.
As my German friend said "We love the order because we have a greater fear of disorder". I guess it refers to the emotional agitation as well.
Although I believe that most women would appreciate being seduced in a spontaneous and romantic way, the attractive German male needs a situation where there is no risk of being ridiculous when he starts a conversation with someone. In his rational approach, he also needs an objective reason for it and he must have a way out as if flirting was dangerous. Already in 19th century, the writer Goethe linked this situation to suffering by stating “Nur wer die Sehnsucht kennt, weiß, was ich leide.” (translation: Only one who knows longing, knows, what I suffer).
The matter is apparently so well known that the German pop groupWir Sind Heldenreleased a song about a French girl called Aurélie facing frustrations in Berlin. According toDer Spiegel, there were 16 million single hearts in 2009, which is 20% of the population.
Is the German culturally programmed to be born this way?
The influence of Protestantism has had an impact on the entire German society: this religion preaches a principle based on authenticity facing interiority. In this spirit, only true feelings are respectable and respected whereas playing and simulating deserve condemnation.
Historically, feminist movements as well as the communist regime contributed to this tendency. During WWII, many men lost their lives at the front and the trauma was deeply imprinted on German society. A demographic excess of women in the population feminized the German society, both sociologically and culturally.
The communist system established the absolute equality of the sexes and gave access to contraception and abortion to the women of GDR in East Germany. It also introduced social welfare programs providing childcare, work cafeterias and family allowances. This difference of social management between East and West Germany persisted after the fall of the Wall and it’s likely that the men from West Germany suddenly lost their ancient hallmarks.
Of course, not all Germans are exactly the same and it depends on the region where they come from: the people of the south, in Baden-Württemberg, Bavaria and in the Rhineland, generally show a more cheerful and communicative approach than the Hanseatic who show a reserved natural temperament.
Discover tomorrow the second part of the article, which describes how Angela Merkel encourages the Germans to make more babies to avoid a demographic "Katastrophe".
Edited by:Lilit Mkrtchyan
Photo credits: Gints Andreja dēls via